The tale of Two Tables

It was the best of service, it was the worst of service…..

There we were out for dinner last Friday with a group of friends. Because it was such a large group we were split into 2 tables. At one table was a group of 4 and a group of 6 at our table. It was Saki Bomb Friday so it was quite crowded and we did have to wait for a table for an hour but that was ok. Both tables had the same waiter.

I have rarely seen such a striking example of terrible rapport skills manifesting itself in how people get treated. As we sat there were 2 different attitudes . What I noticed as we sat down Kim and I noticed that because the place was swamped that certain things were not done. We did not get menus right away. It took a few minutes before the waiter showed up. They were working HARD and were overwhelmed by this monthly event.

The other table reacted much differently than Kim and I did. As the waiter came up to them they became demanding, and pushy. One guy already had a drink and the waiter asked him if he was ok. The guy answered, “ It depends, how long until you are coming back”. He started off by expecting crap service. Then he reacted as if he was already getting it.

When the waiter got to us we treated him nicely. Not great but just nice. We could tell that he was tired. We did not push him. We just told a joke and gave him our order. Then let him get moving because he did not have time to talk.

To me this is about respect. You can’t FORCE someone to respect you. You can’t PUSH someone into performing the way you want….for very long. You can’t DEMAND to be treated well. These things are the result of 2 things. Good calibration skills and good rapport skills.

As the night went on Kim and I noticed that there was a difference in the level of service we were getting and the level of service the other table received. Our food came out first even though the other table ordered first. Our waiters were refilled more often. We have much more interaction with the waiter. The owner cam over to our table and talked with us. The other table was an afterthought. They got minimum attention and even then it was disconnected and short.

We also noticed that only 2 of the 4 people were actually being pushy. Read this because it is important. The other two people became VICTIMS. They did nothing wrong but became the victims of the pushy demanding people. They did not do anything to change the rapport. They did not distance themselves from the pushy people. They did not try to get any rapport themselves. They just went along and because they did nothing they became associated with the rest of them and received progressively worse service.

The funny thing is this. The waiter and owner knew that we were all together even though we were at different tables. Yet that other table received much different treatment than we did.  AS I saw this happening I decided to separate ourselves from the other table using what I we call the Smurfing technique. It kept us from being associated with the 2 out of 10 people that were being difficult.

This is why rapport is so important. It makes a difference in how you are treated. It makes a difference in all the little places in your life that you would not even think about. In our lives it has become natural to expect great service, special attention and for people to make the extra effort to help us. It has become so natural that we are a bit surprised at the few times it does not happen 🙂

If you would like to read about the rapport building skills we teach here is a link https://www.essential-skills.com/3dmind/?page_id=385

Another funny thing I noticed is that the 2 people seemed to be used to being treated like crap. I doubt they ever get treated well. So they don’t even notice that they are getting a worse level of service than we are getting. They have learned to live with that level of treatment. I imagine that it happens in all levels of their lives. Since they are used to being disconnected from people and have only force as a tool to get things done, they never even notice. They assume it is everyone ELSE that has the problem.

What is the lesson here? Notice what is happening around you. You can’t force people to treat you well you can only force then to do the minimum. When you do that you begin to live life at the minimum level of connection and response. You also spend lots of time waiting to get another drink 🙂

I can tell you this. We got far far better treatment that we would have ever gotten before we knew these skills.

Have Fun

Tom and Kim