Tom, can I anchor someone to be attracted to me?
It seems like we get this question over and over. I was talking to Kim about it the other day and she made a great observations.
Anchoring allows you to open people up to DISCOVER what you are like not to make them BELIEVE that you are something that you are NOT! It also opens them up enough for you to discover what they are like and if you want to connect with them.
If you are NOT the kind of person you want to be then that is a 3D Mind problem.
If you are the kind of person you want to be you might need a little help to open the doors. You might have to elicit a state of trust and comfort to get someone to open up to you.
It is time to start looking at anchoring in a different way.
When you are anchoring what are you REALLY doing. You are constructing a new filter for someone else to see you through. When they meet you they have all their preconceived filters about you in place. It is up to you to adjust those filters to open them up and let them see things differently.
Keep in mind that this is all done while in rapport with someone. It makes all the difference in the world.
The biggest mistake is to anchor someone to believe you are something you are not. If you anchor someone to associate you with the state of adventure and you are not adventurous, you are going to violate the anchor.
That is why you just can’t anchor someone to love you. If you are not a match for them then you will constantly violate that anchor.
So many people try to use anchors to club people over the head with states. You can’t walk up to someone and fire the anchor of “trust” and think they will just trust you. Anchors do not work that way.
This is why we put the Ultimate Unstoppable Persuasion seminar together . Knowing how to anchor is NOT just knowing how to use anchors. Knowing how to build rapport is NOT just knowing how to use rapport.
Let me give you an example to play with.
Yesterday I went out to eat for lunch. After lunch I decided to play with some rapport with a guy who normally never says 2 words to me. So use the rapport stuff and went into a state of best friend. I handed him the bill and started fishing through my wallet looking for the right credit card to use.
Just as he made eye contact I said, “ I hate credit cards all they do is get me in trouble. I never know the right one to use and if I do it wrong Kim will kill me”
He lightened up and began telling me about how he only has one now. His ex wife charged up all of his cards just before she left him and it took him 5 years to pay them off. Now he only keeps one.
I built rapport. I used a rapport accelerator of commonality in environment and experience.
Then we had what I call a guy moment. He had opened up and I had understood. I anchored that. Then Kim came up and I told her about what he did as I fired the anchor and he told Kim the entire story all over again. All the while we were in the guy moment/best friend rapport. Yes I had added the anchor into the rapport state we had and changed the filter he saw us through.
The skills we teach are not isolated. I have been going to this place for 3 years and have never talked to the guy before.
Here is the key. I really was interested in what he was saying and he really can trust me with what he is telling me. I was connected and so was Kim. We lived up to the anchor and possibly made a new friend.
Ok here is the drill for today.
Think of a nice state you would like to anchor in someone. Make sure it is a state that you can easily live up to.
Build rapport with them using the rapport skills.
As you elicit and set the anchor, AT THE SAME TIME, add that feeling into you rapport. Then when you let it go remove it from your rapport filter.
Then just add it to the rapport filter without firing the anchor.
Remember this is covert.
Here is an example of what not to do. I had a guy that who decided
That he wanted to anchor LUST. So he elicited lust and went into the state of lust and he completely repelled the girl. It was CREEPY.
Most people do not just jump into the state of LUST.
Remember all the skills are to be used together. That means Calibration as well. The more you can add the more influence you will have.
Have fun
Tom
