Are you tired of being an expert failure? 5 Stupid mistakes that guarantee it.

Are you tired of being an expert failure? 5 Stupid mistakes that guarantee it.

We all have things we want to change about our lives. As you read this you know what in your life you want to improve. You know how long you have been trying to do it. You know what results you have or have not gotten. As someone who has helped people make changes for over 17 years now, it has become very clear why some people can change and other people don’t really change all that much… ever.

Listen, I know some of you out there are “satisfied” with your life. It is okay. You have decided that life is good enough. This article is not for you because in my mind you have given up and it is too hard to try to get you to move. You can stop reading now. I wish I could help you but frankly you are done.

Here is who this is for.

If you know life can be better but just can’t figure out how to get from point A to point B.

If you know you can be a success if someone just points you in the right direction and shows you what you need to do.

Even if you have given up but there is one small spark of desire that your life can be more.

You are tired of failing but not ready to give up.

Most importantly… If you have come to a point in life where you realize you do NOT have the answers and are open to following instructions.

If any of the 5 things above do not apply to you then you can stop reading. 

Warning: For those of you still reading, you are doing so at your own risk. I am about to tell you some uncomfortable truths about changing your life. You are not going to want to hear some of what I have to say but it needs to be said. So brace yourself.

1. You plan for life sucks.

You have a plan in mind for how to get where you want to go and it stinks. The best thing you can do is stop doing the same unproductive thing over and over. I have a guy who writes me at least once a month asking for advice on his life. He has no money. He has few friends. He has no relationships. Yet when I try and guide him he tells me why what I am saying won’t work for him. He then ignores my advice and goes right back to doing what he wants. In his mind it will work if he tries HARDER. Over the years his life has gotten worse even though he puts in more effort. He just can’t let go of ‘the plan’.

People who succeed in life know when their plan is not working and they get out early. They know that it is smarter to walk away from something that MIGHT work someday and spend time on something that will work now.

2. Your ‘reasons’ for what you do are crap.

You have your reasons for doing things. You think they are real. Actually, they are excuses. I have heard them all. These fall into 3 categories

I don’t understand your special problem.

Something in your past is the reason you do it.

How you are fits an image of yourself that you want to believe.

 Successful people live today. Not in the past. They are open to being wrong. They are just who they are with no apologies. They are individuals. Because they are secure they are open to self examination. They never hide from who they are.

3. You are NOT an expert.

You think you are smart. You think you are an expert. You think you are better than others. You think you know it all. So when you walk into a room you do so with a closed mind. I had one client who thought he knew everything better than I did. He paid me for coaching yet rejected almost every bit of advice I gave him. In his mind he was an expert on even what we had created. He is now dead broke and living with his parents. He is depressed and his business has failed. Even when paying for expertise he did what he ‘knew’ was best.

Successful people know when to be dumb. They have no ego when it comes to learning. They seek out people who are smarter than them because they are lifetime learners. When they walk in a room they find someone smarter than them to talk to.

4.  Guess what? People don’t really like you. They put up with you.

I know you think you have rapport with everyone but… you don’t. You walk around unaware of how what you are doing affects other people. You think just by the nature of your specialness that other people will put up with your BS. You think people respect you but really they are avoiding you. I met a guy who told me everyone liked him. He did not need rapport. People were drawn to him. The truth was he had very few friends and never built relationships beyond the acquaintance level. While all around him other people were getting opportunities even if they were less qualified while his career sat stagnantly. He told himself that this was because he had high standards (see 2 again).

Successful people know that getting where you want to be depends on building relationships with people and an ever expanding sphere of connections that LIKE YOU. It does not matter how great you are at what you do. If you are a jerk you will be doomed to fail.

5. Just because you have been doing something for so long does not make it a good idea.

Yes I know your spent thousands on pursuing your current plan. You might have spent years planning. You might be very emotionally attached to how committed you have been. If you quit you would feel like a failure or that you gave up too soon.

The worst reason to keep doing anything is that you have so much time or money invested in it. Something that does not work will not work. You have to be able to fail in order to succeed. Those who make real progress in life understand that they only need to succeed a few times while failing has an unlimited learning curve. They are not afraid to walk away and don’t feel bad doing it. They quickly move to the next opportunity without beating themselves up about the previous one.

These are the top 5 that come to my mind right now. I can tell you intellectually what you need to do to succeed and you will even understand it. You will even agree to it. You might even try it. Then in a few days or weeks you will go back to the way you always did it even if the new way succeeds and works better.

So what is the answer?

You have to learn to think differently. If you are in the same mindset as the one that is not getting results then you will never create anything that gets better results that you are currently getting. This is not something I can just tell you to do. It is a change you have to make in how your brain works. Your brain likes doing what is has always done. It does not like change. You have to make it change. It will never do it on its own.

The key to making this change is called brain plasticity. It is when your brain becomes pliable. No amount of force or repetition can get the brain into this state.  You have to create a unique feeling that opens up your brain and breaks the pattern of thinking that you have always used.

This is what we do in the Total Life Transformation Retreat we are holding in Florida this June. We have structured the retreat to push your boundaries and discover your true sticking points that have been tripping you up for so long.  Let me give you some simple things that you can use right now to break some patterns using plasticity.

Quick brain exercise
Change your routine. Do just one thing differently each day. Then while you are feeling unfamiliar think of solutions to a problem you are having. Take a different way to work or from work If you wake up and shower before breakfast, reverse the order. If you cut your grass starting in the front yard, start in the back. If you work out change your workout. What you want is that awkward feeling on unfamiliarity. When you feel that you know you have entered a state of plasticity. That is when you should think of new plans, problem solving or even how you handle relationships. 

This helps generate new connections in the brain and helps your ability to be creative and start living the life you always knew you could. It is not the whole answer but it is a great drill to do.

If you want more information about our Total Life Transformation retreat in Florida this June fee free to check out seminar page http://www.essentialskillsseminars.com/

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