Are you afraid of looking STUPID?
One of the biggest fears people seem to have is being embarrassed. I am constantly astounded by people who can jump out of airplanes, climb mountains, chase criminals, risk millions investing, or some other risky activity but…. They are terrified of being embarrassed.
Their minds work in a fascinating way. They have the ability to imagine the most terrible outcome and then act as if it has already happened. This is where you brain works against you. It cannot tell the difference between reality and your imagination. If you imagine that people will be laughing at you if you for instance.. dance with Miss Lillian the Chicken Lady in the middle of dinner.. your brain instantly reacts as if it has already happened. If you do not like to be laughed at then you will be paralyzed and react pretty badly. If you like it then you get a boost of reward even before you get up out of your chair.
Some people think that at that point you need to push yourself but the harder you push the more miserable and intense the experience becomes. Even if you succeed it feels so forced and bad that it will never really feel fun.
Of course they are all convinced that we are the only people on the planet that feel this way. They are so wrapped up in what other people think that they miss out on huge parts of living. I call this living a reflective life. Their entire sense of self worth is dependent on what other people think about them. They buy cars to impress others. They live a lifestyle that they think makes them fit in. They behave in a way that appeals to the social group they want to belong to. They lose themselves trying to play the role that they think other people will reward them for. They empty their bank accounts trying to live a life that makes them feel good about themselves by being accepted by others.
When they do get this acceptance they get a great boost from the brain and it becomes addictive. They chase the acceptance high and will sacrifice everything to hang on to it. They get hooked on the acceptance of others and will run themselves into the ground emotionally and financially.
WHY?
The answer is easy. It is because they have no sense of self worth. They might not even like themselves very much. Some might actually hate themselves. As long as they have this acceptance of others they never have at look at themselves or how they really feel. The result is that they stay firmly in their safe zone. It is the comfortable trap that allows them to keep the illusion alive.
If you stay in your seat when the Chicken Lady asks you to get up and do the Rooster Dance then you never risk other people thinking you are an idiot. Since you live a reflective life you are dependent on other peoples opinions so if that opinion is not good then you will feel bad. You have no self worth to fuel your life and you crash. It is better to refuse the chance to do the Rooster Dance and cling onto your illusion of being confident and loved by all than risk rejection by those you need to boost your self esteem. You are safe.
So you sit missing out on life. You insulate yourself and tell yourself a story about how only silly people would do such things. You justify it and you want to believe it. You might even look down on others who stand up and do the dance as silly or stupid. You might even decide you can judge their ability to do the Rooster Dance.
Then you can stay feeling good about yourself even of you also feel like you might have missed out a bit.
I know what you are thinking. You are wondering how you can get some Rooster Dance confidence. It is really easy. Stop running from yourself and look at what you are so afraid of. I know this is not the easiest thing in the world but it has to be done. For some people it might even sting a bit. Accept yourself for who you are. Understand that for your real friends perfection is not required.
Start living for yourself instead of for what other people think. It is the most liberating life you can live.
There are all kinds of opportunities out there. Some are a silly as doing the Rooster Dance with Miss Lillian the Chicken Lady. Other opportunities might be going for the job of your dreams. Maybe just to have some fun for a while. Who knows?
