Don’t get your hopes up?
This has to be one of the most frustrating things I hear people say. When you think about it. The whole reason you would not get your hopes up is to protect yourself from disappointment.
What that tells me is that we have a bunch of people running around terrified to be disappointed.
Even worse,Most people expect failure. They intellectually rationalize that if they expect to fail and then succeed that they will be even happier AND, avoid disappointment. Wow,that is a double bonus!
The happiest people I know expect happiness. Sure they have disappointment but they handle it by not focusing on it. Just the opposite is true when you try to avoid disappointment. It becomes the focus of your entire life. Every decision is tainted by the avoidance of being disappointed.
Winners win because they expect to win. People are happy because they expect to be happy. People succeed because they expect to succeed.
Lets break this down even further. Think of your brain as a prediction machine. No matter what you are doing your brain is constantly trying to fill in what is going to happen next. Have you ever drunk something that you expected to be one thing but it ended up being something else? Even if the thing you didn’t expect is quite good tasting it is an unpleasant experience.
This is just one small example of your brain being guided by your expectations. While the brain is constantly trying to predict what is going to happen next it also is taking in input from your expectations of what is going to be happening next. It then begins to sort through the input of information to look for things that support the expectation.
It will delete any information that does not match the expectation. This is a great mechanism for survival. It helps us find what we are looking for when looking for food or water or danger. It is a great searching tool.
It is a lousy way to live in a modern world. If you meet someone of the opposite sex and you expect him/her to dislike you then any signal that looks even a little like disapproval becomes magnified. It becomes part of your prediction. Now that your prediction has come true it takes even less of a signal to set off the next rejection alarm.
If you want to lift a box and I tell you how heavy it is and that you might not get too far with it, you will have the experience of it being very heavy even if it is only moderately heavy. You will tire sooner because you begin to sort for signs of fatigue.
If I claim to be a psychic and you believe in psychics, I can predict that you will meet a tall dark stranger in a black jacket. You will break that down into different things to sort for. First it would eliminate anyone you already knew. Then you might sort for tall people. Then maybe dark people would be your next choice. Then you would look at their jacket.
A funny thing would happen next. You would see a dark man in a black jacket that is average but maybe tall and accept that the prediction came true. Maybe you would see a tall man in a black jacket who has lighter skin but dark hair. You could rationalize that is fulfilling the prediction. Then you could see him in a dark brown jacket and say that is close to black.
Your rationalization will support the prediction and widen the sorting for matching information. Because you do that it would be almost impossible to convince you that the psychic prediction did not come true.
To say that you get what you focus on is a very common observation. The real question is HOW to change those expectations. Just telling you to expect the best and you will get it is stupid advice. Any moron could figure that out. It is the kind of junk you expect to here from a late night infomercial self help guru wannabe.
So lets change the focus a bit.
What is your prediction?
Think of anything you want to do and think about what your prediction is. If you want to get a job, sell something, meet someone or even just clean your house, what is your predicted outcome?
What are the signs that your prediction is coming true?
Time and time again I get the funniest answers to this question. If they don’t smile I failed. If she/he looks away that means they are bored of me. If she is not completely focused on every word I say she hates me. If I call and they don’t answer I am rejected.
How do you rationalize that it did come true?
Here is where life gets stupid. It usually starts with ” I heard somewhere that it means X’ .
Because the prediction began a sorting of information to fit the prediction, generally a lot of positive information is completely ignored. Everything else could be wonderful but that one sign is what was being sorted for.
By not getting your hopes up, what feeling are you trying to avoid?
I was talking to someone the other day, which is what made me think of this article, and they had an opportunity. Is that vague enough ☺ . I suggested that they had a good chance of getting the opportunity. It was an if they became possessed and out of their mouths came this ” Yes but I want to be prepared not to get it” . So I asked if it might not be better to prepare for actually getting it. They responded ” Well it would be a nice surprise if I did”. Then I suggested that it might be better to be surprised if you didn’t get it. They were shocked. Automatically they responded, ” That would hurt too much!”.
How do I make better predictions Tom and Kim?
Well The best way I to understand the predictions you are having now. This will tell you what your predictions are protecting your from or what they do to satisfy you. That is the area in your life that needs work. Even then you have to watch what your prediction will be.
This time of year many people make resolutions. If you ask them about their predictions of those resolutions you will soon discover why so few people actually keep them. They have already predicted failure. Many use the rationalization that MOST people do not keep them so it is OK that they did not.
You have to decide what kind of like you want. You have to decide if you are where you want to be. Then use your favorite self help tool to work on getting there OR toss this post in the trash an rationalize why you don’t have to.
This is a lot of what we will address in the 30 Day online butt kicking program that we will put together in January. We will push you to get the things you want by addressing all you crap predictions and the behaviors, rationalizations and beliefs that support your crap predictions.
Have fun
Tom and Kim.
