So, I've got this habit (as I'm sure many people do) of putting off certain things I need/want to do. In simplistic terms I guess it's procrastination. Unfortunately the more I put off doing these things the more anxiety they give me and it really gets to an unbearable point. I even put off writing this post for most of the day
What I really want is to tackle my "to do" list head on without hesitation. Basically, see it, do it, be done with it.
When I think about taking action it's almost like there is some kind of block stopping me. When I think about what that might be I come up with:
I'm lazy
It's a hassle
It'll lead to more work (lazy again I guess)
It's pointless because I'm just going to fail in the end
If I avoid it then I won't have to deal with the pain of feeling stupid later
So it looks like I've got a few different little roadblocks that I need to deal with. Any suggestions on which of those little buggers I should start with?
Thanks.
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 7, 2008 at 8:09 AM
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caputmartem
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I am assuming you already own the 3D mind because those statements look somewhat like beliefs. Though they all appear to be rationalisations.
What kind of person believes they are lazy?
(In the mean time try breaking down these task that you have in to smaller ones that are easier to manage)
Etienne
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 7, 2008 at 10:24 AM
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TomVizzini
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OK first let look at how you have set yourself up for failure.
"What I really want is to tackle my "to do" list head on without hesitation."
OK first problem is that you have a list of things to do. You are looking at the list instead of picking just one thing. So pick one thing on the list to do and lets work with that.
Second you have set an unreasonable expectation. You want to do things without any hesitation. That means that anything less than that would be failure.
So lets restate the goal a bit. Pick one thing you want to to and let's set the goal to doing in in a reasonable time frame.
So pick one small thing on your list.
Tom
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 7, 2008 at 2:33 PM
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cbelling
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Ok, not sure how small this is but one thing I've been putting off is interview preparation. There's a lot that goes into it and could probably be broken down into several things, but it's all so overwhelming to me, not to mention the dreaded feeling that goes along with it.
What are reasonable expectations? I'd really like to be the kinda guy that just goes after his goals. A go getter if you will. What I do know is just kind of internally whine about doing stuff. It's like I want all these things, but I'm afraid to put out the effort. I know, I know..one thing at a time...
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 7, 2008 at 6:44 PM
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TomVizzini
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Well, yeah, that is true, but those things are no brainers. Took me about 5 minutes on the couch to figure it out. I've even had interviews already (no offers though) but I'm fairly certain I wasn't prepared for them. Hell, I just setup an interview for Thursday and I know I should prepare myself but for some reason I'm not. I'm more interested in wasting time reading ESPN.com than prepping.
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 10, 2008 at 3:24 PM
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caputmartem
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So what gets in the way of you preparing yourself for the interview?
Etienne
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 10, 2008 at 10:55 PM
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cbelling
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The first thing that gets in the way is Tom not responding to my posts...I guess I need to do some 3DM on being rejected..<sniffle>...
Ok, what really gets in the way is the thought of the interview itself. I believe that I'm not going to interview well. I believe they are going to think I'm not qualified for the job,. I guess I feel like I might not really be qualified for the job I'm going for. For most of the positions I'm interviewing my past experience doesn't necessarily translate into the what the interviewer is looking for. However, I know with absolute certainy that I can do any job within my field and I can do it well. The problem comes from my fear of them asking me certain things and me not having the right answer. If I could just move that out of the way and not give a shit about it and pay attention to what I can offer I'd probably be a lot better off.
Etienne, I have to give you major credit for something you wrote in another post on the Yahoo list. You wrote a good question to ask an interviewer: "What are qualities that a good employee has?". Today in an interview I took that question and tweaked it a bit and asked "What traits or characteristics would a person need to succeed in this position". All of the people in the room (3) were floored by this question. They said they've done 50 interviews and not one person ever asked what it took to succeed. They really appreciated the thoughtfulness of the question and when you really think about it, it is a great question. Needless to say I got great feedback already and they are bringing me in for another interview next week. So, thanks!
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 12, 2008 at 2:08 PM
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caputmartem
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Well of course I am going to be gloating for the rest of the week .
It sound like your doing good already, I have to confess I am bit nervous when I' m doing interviews. That isn't a bad thing because it keeps me sharp and in the moment.
So fear isn't necessarily a bad thing, I would personally only the 3D mind when the fear/anxiety would interfering in my going to the interview or would make me too self conscious during the interview. (note for 3D mind make your goal paying attention or attending an interview not being completely comfortable during the interview. That is a bogus goal and unnecessary)
Etienne
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 14, 2008 at 9:58 AM
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TomVizzini
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First step would be finding a list of potential questions that could be asked in the interview and coming up with good answers for them.
Nothing wrong with doing it in a reasonable amount of time. In this case I've putting putting it off since September. Not too reasonable.
OK, what gets in the way if that first step?
It is not about how long it has been it is about the amount of pressure you put on yourself to do it NOW.
So lets go through it. You are reading this but at the same time there is that little google space on your tool bar. Then you think about how easy it would be to just type in a search on interview questions....
What happens next?
Tom
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 14, 2008 at 6:06 PM
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cbelling
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What happens next is I get a headache and pressure on the top of my head. It's like this block going up to where I need to go. That turns into anxiety, then I go do something else and it goes away.
When I think about how easy it would be to type in the search for questions, I'm ok. But, where I get into trouble is going through the questions and coming up with how I will reply to those answers in an interview. Immediately the focus is on me and what I can offer and at that point I'm feeling pretty inferior/worthless.
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 15, 2008 at 12:08 AM
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TomVizzini
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Right before the headache/pressure is the block. I get a thought/feeling of "Don't do this, it'll cause you pain. You can do this later".
It's actually embarassing seeing how easy it is to come up with the questions. The problem is coming up with the answers and making them fit with my experience.
Just as a side note I will more than likely be getting a job offer on Monday (been told it's coming) and making about 25% more than my last job. Etienne, sorry but it's not at the place that I used your questions at
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 19, 2008 at 9:24 AM
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TomVizzini
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The pain is from opening myself up and having people find out about me. They'll find out that I'm not what I should be. Basically, that in my career I should be more advanced than I am. So, basically, a failure.
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 25, 2008 at 12:41 PM
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caputmartem
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So what do you need to believe about yourself in order to be a failure?
I am X....
And don't worry sometimes you'll have a great interview but they just can't offer you what you or something else intervenes. Your goal is to get a job and make more money and that 25% raise sounds pretty sweet to me.
Etienne
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 25, 2008 at 1:07 PM
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TomVizzini
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The pain is from opening myself up and having people find out about me. They'll find out that I'm not what I should be. Basically, that in my career I should be more advanced than I am. So, basically, a failure.
Ok here is what I see. You judge yourself based upon what other people think. That keeps you stuck living your life for other people. What I have found is that this happens when someone does not trust their own choices so the give up their lives and let other people's opinion make choices for them.
You would be a failure in their EYES. That means you don't get to choose.
I dare anyone to tell me what I should be. I have at least 5 people a day tell me what they think I should do or how I should act. In the end....I decide.
I also measure success differently than most people. I measure it in quality of life not position or material. I am the one who decides how happy I am.
I have met more miserable rich people than you can imagine. I have met happy rich people as well. The ones that are happy never seem to mention what they have or what they make.
So my question to you is this.
What gets in the way of you deciding where you should be in your life?
Tom
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 26, 2008 at 11:12 AM
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cbelling
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Exactly what you said: My second guessing myself, not being sure that I'm going something right, always wanting to make sure that what I'm doing is perfect, living up to what I perceive everyone's expectations of me are.
Re: I'll do it tomorrow...
Posted On Jan 26, 2008 at 3:37 PM
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cbelling
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I think another thing that gets in the way is fear. To become the person I want to be I have to venture off into some areas that I'm not comfortable with right now and I perceive that to be a little painful. I'm sure I'm not comfortable because they are just unknown though.
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