Do you want these skills or do you need these skills?
Posted On Dec 12, 2007 at 4:01 PM
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caputmartem
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Do you want these skills or do you need these skills?
A lot of people in the community report having difficulties with skills like anchoring because they become self conscious or find themselves feeling anxious. Though there may be a great number of possible reason I want to focus on one.
Skills like anchoring were created to be an additional tool in your social work kit. However for some people these skills have become all they know in situation which are uncomfortable for them (dealing with a superior, job interview or dealing with some of the opposite sex).
They’ve become dependant of NLP. So the question for today do you want to these skills or do you need these skills, like a magical shield to protect you?
Etienne
Re: Do you want these skills or do you need these skills?
Posted On Dec 12, 2007 at 6:46 PM
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TomVizzini
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Deciding if you want eh skills or just use them as a shield leaves out many other choices.
You might need them to get ahead.
You might need them to succeed.
You might need them to help in social situations.
The more interesting question might be why you think you need a magic shield
Tom
Re: Do you want these skills or do you need these skills?
Posted On Dec 13, 2007 at 1:17 AM
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caputmartem
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Of course you want to be able to choose if you want to use these skills or not. My post wasn't about either using the skills are trying to make it on your own. The thing I was aiming for is that people start to feel anxious because unless they have magical skills to get them true an interview or date they are screwed. So anchoring and rapport become too important and the pressure messes up your the succes of the processes.
Etienne
Re: Do you want these skills or do you need these skills?
Posted On Dec 13, 2007 at 6:36 AM
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Hans
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Deciding if you want eh skills or just use them as a shield leaves out many other choices.
You might need them to get ahead.
You might need them to succeed.
You might need them to help in social situations.
The more interesting question might be why you think you need a magic shield
Tom
I agree with this very much. In a very realistic world, things can be tough. Being one of 100 job applicants, conflict situations, dealing with the jerk car salesman who doesn't deliver his promises... etc. etc. etc..
In these and many other situations, these skills can be a big help and I guess you do sometimes need them to succeed.
One thing I learned from Tom is realism. Realistically speaking, there ARE times when you do need the skills. That's the real world.
Hans
Re: Do you want these skills or do you need these skills?
Posted On Dec 13, 2007 at 7:02 AM
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caputmartem
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I don't agree, that sounds like without these skills you turn into somekind of criple. Like you wouldn't be able to handle a conflict without anchoring.
I like these skills and they are a good addition but there isn't a situation in which I would need them (eg I would automatically fail if I didn't have them).
Etienne
Re: Do you want these skills or do you need these skills?
Posted On Dec 13, 2007 at 7:45 AM
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Hans
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I don't agree, that sounds like without these skills you turn into somekind of criple. Like you wouldn't be able to handle a conflict without anchoring.
... Perhaps it sounds like that, but that's not what I meant. :-) I would not see myself as a cripple without the skills. That's where yourself comes into play. It starts with yourself, being emotionally balanced (3D Mind). That would make it so you are someone who can deal with a whole lot of things.
... Now, added to that, using the skills can make it a whole lot easier. You CAN deal with those things without them, it's just that you can do it better/easier/etc. WITH them. In those situations you might not NEED them, but it helps.
... And then there ARE situations where using the skills can simply make the difference. That's life, as Tom likes to say. Without them you don't get a certain result, with them you can. Without them you might not even know how.
... You learn a lot of things to function better, and even to function normally. These skills are often not any different.
... You could be very good at getting a car salesman to lower the price of a car. Without the skills, you might get 10.000 off. With the skills you might get 25.000 off, free stuff and an extra year of warranty. In that case you needed the skills to get a better result.
... I've heard really good things about the interview magic stuff. The interview magic guy gets great results. For that he depends on the skills. To make the kind of money he does, to get all the benefits and success, he NEEDS the skills.
... Does that make him crippled? No. Could he live a normal life without the skills? Sure. With them it's just a whole lot better. For that better part he needs the skills. That's just being realistic. And again, that does not limit him as a person. And if it did, he should 3D Mind that... :-)
I like these skills and they are a good addition but there isn't a situation in which I would need them (eg I would automatically fail if I didn't have them).
... You don't, but those situations exist. And the fact that you fail without them should not lead into you having a limitation on the emotional level. That's where balance comes into play.
... Just my thoughts.
... Hans
Etienne
Re: Do you want these skills or do you need these skills?
Posted On Dec 13, 2007 at 10:25 AM
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TomVizzini
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I don't agree, that sounds like without these skills you turn into somekind of criple. Like you wouldn't be able to handle a conflict without anchoring.
I like these skills and they are a good addition but there isn't a situation in which I would need them (eg I would automatically fail if I didn't have them).
Etienne
Hi Etienne,
How often do you use the martial arts in the real world? Just because you have the skill does that make it a crutch? practicing martial arts keeps you in shape, helps you feel better an is a good tool to use if necessary.
Does that mean you fight at every conflict? No
It just gives you another choice. You can walk away from confrontation. You can talk your way out of it. You can use it a little or you can go all out. It is a choice.
Do I use this stuff in every situation in my life? No Just like I don't use a hammer every day or use my car to get to the kitchen.
The real question is if they are good skills to know. If so, learn them.
On the other hand I have seen this exact point be used as an excuse to not use the skills. The claim that some people, who are usually very good at the skills, have become dependent on them.
That all depends on if you began learning these skills because you needed a shield. If you are using these skills as a shield then you are misapplying them. If you need a shield then you need to look at what kind of person needs a shield.
These skills work best if you se them without the need for feeling powerful or the need to have a shield. Those things corrupt the skills and make them less effective.
Let me know if this makes sense
Tom
Re: Do you want these skills or do you need these skills?
Posted On Dec 13, 2007 at 10:37 AM
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TomVizzini
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Of course you want to be able to choose if you want to use these skills or not. My post wasn't about either using the skills are trying to make it on your own. The thing I was aiming for is that people start to feel anxious because unless they have magical skills to get them true an interview or date they are screwed. So anchoring and rapport become too important and the pressure messes up your the succes of the processes.
Etienne
I have to ask...what people do this?
BTW..these skills are not magic. They are what people do every day naturally.
Tom
Re: Do you want these skills or do you need these skills?
Posted On Dec 13, 2007 at 10:59 AM
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caputmartem
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dumb people
Re: Do you want these skills or do you need these skills?
Posted On Dec 13, 2007 at 10:15 PM
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TomVizzini
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Joined: Dec 11, 2003 Last Visit: May 9, 2008 Posts: 117 e-Points: 106
