Essential Skills

Question:

"I was at a Halloween party last Saturday, being my usual eclectically
sociable self, and providing some bar tending expertise, as I'm always happy to do, and I was chatting with a young woman I met that evening, laughing, sharing things we had in common, even flirting a little with each other. She thought I was a really nice guy and said she was really glad she met me.

I don't want to be that guy.

I want to be the OTHER guy she just met that same night, the one she was
holding in her arms and kissing by the end of the night, making plans to
get together with again.

I've been that first guy over and over and over again for 25 years now.

Both Men and women go through the same thing.

You do this to yourself.

Anytime you meet someone you are quickly going to be catagorized.

...you immediately run to your most comfortable catagory...."expert"

You immediately run away from any connections.

The one skill you have not mastered it the skill of shutting the fuck up and
really listening to the other person.

I can say with pretty much certainty that I have never had a conversation
with you where you just listened to me. You always have to add something to
get to the expert or added value position.

This is great if I am calling technical support for my computer. It sucks
for connecting.

You rationalize this by identifying yourself as " being my usual
eclectically sociable self" and your position was solidified by "providing
some bar tending expertise, as I'm always happy to do"

Now I hate to be the one to point this out but it has to be
said......this behavior sometimes comes off as smug and condesending.

You have to make a change to make your self be able to help if asked but
also be able NOT to be the local expert. That only makes you feel good.

The second half of this using the skills you have learned from the seminars.
Calibration, anchoring, positioning, rapport, vocal influence.....

" I guess that's the appeal of 'seduction' to me, and, I suspect, a lot of
other guys who don't necessarily want to go out clubbing to pick up a string of
one night stands."

This is an absolute FACT. 90% of the guys trying to learn seduction stuff
just want to meet a girl. 10% are players who I would prefer not to bother
teaching anything to.

I have many times flirted with the idea of doing a ONE TIME Essential Skills
of Seduction seminar just to help out those guys...and gals... who want real
relationships and just want an edge on meeting that special person.

What puts me off is the scummy side of that area of persuasion. I am just
not sure I want to deal with that 10% who I would prefer not to teach.

I can just imagine taking what we teach and applying it towards using it to
really connect with people you want to attract!

Who knows....maybe this year will be the year we Kim and I actually do it.

I believe if you learn the Essential Skills that you don't have to try to seduce people. You naturally connect and attract people to you.